This is my new residence. I will come out only during solar eclipses and the like.

Because it's easier to learn than unlearn, because we've passed the point of no return...

Sometimes we don't know who we are
Sometimes force overpowers us and we cry
My teacher carry me home

Carry me home my teacher
Carry me home
Carry me home my teacher
Carry me home

-The Teacher, by Paul Simon


The mental struggle I've been going through for the past several weeks finally made me crack. It hurts so much that sometimes sobbing is all I can do to keep me from taking it all back.

A ridiculous analogy, if you will:

A very intelligent fish (as far as fish go) sees bait on a hook, but instead of just eating the worm, she bites the entire hook, and not only bites, but swallows as well. And now, with terrible frustration on the fisherman's part, and terrible pain on the fish's, the hook is being extracted.

I did an eight-ball reading of the Bible last night before I went to bed, and this is the first thing I saw:

Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring forth.
-Proverbs 27:1

Of course, this is exactly what I had been doing all along. I moved in, got comfortable, made plans, hired a contractor, and then a tornado hit. I am an idiot that decided to move to Kansas, but didn't think to buy homeowner's insurance.

If these walls came crumblin' down
Fell so hard, to make us lose our faith
From what's left you'd figure it out

You lift me up and always will
I see you in life
Hope I don't get left behind

- American Baby by the Dave Matthews Band


I need to let go on a lot of things. Painful circumstances, broken friendships, awkward moments due to events of the past...they aren't who I am. They don't make me what I am. But apologies are still null and void until they come in person. I'm still as stubborn as a mule when it comes to me forgiving others, when so much of what I have done has been waived. I'm still imperfect, still moody, still guarded. But eventually, I need to let go, or let myself be buried in grudges in which the wrong is all but remembered.

God, help me forgive, because they're Your children too.