I don't make sense. I'm like five different people. When one of my friends, Eric, first met me, the first way he described me was "multi-dimensional". Right now, I'm thinking more along the lines of "bipolar" or "schizophrenic"...okay, maybe schizophrenic is pushing it...
Maybe I'm just tired.
I've got a lot of fixing to do tomorrow.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
It's me cooking!
It's like me! Except not vegetarian...and bald...and male....
We had forensics competition today, and I didn't really know my lines until this morning. It went really well, despite the three of us (Me, Cassie, and Kim) being sick. I'm tired now. Really tired. This was a rough week. I really don't understand myself, sometimes. I handle hard situations with great stupidity. I don't know what I want. Maybe I should start a list.
THIS WEEKEND I WANT
1) To eat something other than candy tonight. (preferably a burrito...)
2) To finish APUSH (that didn't happen...perhaps this weekend?)
3) To call my Aunt Kelly and Aunt Deb.
4) To be more forgiving. (that might take longer than a weekend)
5) To stop lying to myself and just accept things as they are. (hmm...should I count that as two? ...nah...)
Good enough start for now. Maybe I'll add onto it tomorrow, after I've accomplished the first three.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL
Of all the days we could have had a snow storm, it had to be today. The day of our first real Pippin performance. The day my grandparents were finally going to see me do the one thing I absolutely LOVE to do, and now they most likely can't even make it out of their door because it's probably worse in Michigan. I was looking forward to this performance SO MUCH. AAAAAAAAARGH.
Now I have nothing to do. I've done all my chores, called one of my friends who I think has lost all of her communication skills, eaten plenty of burritos, and started drinking the 2 liters of rootbeer after I finished the Mt. Dew. (I stopped once I realized how terrible that was, and took to my gallon just of water.) Olivia and I want to write our editorial, but I can't go anywhere until I get word from mom, who's working until either 12:30 or very late, depending on if people made it in or not. I tried to do more constructive things, like sketch something new in my book or play guitar...you know, all the things I'm usually dying to do but never have the time for. But now that I have the time, I can't bring myself to accomplish anything. I've now taken to pacing around the house, only pausing to briefly jot down a couple notes from my APUSH book.
*bangs head against keyboard* t67yt67uy67uthy7u6hthghhyhhbh5rt4frtgfrvbjuhjnuhhynujhnjyuhyujnhujynhyjnu
I'm going to make another burrito and go sulk.
Now I have nothing to do. I've done all my chores, called one of my friends who I think has lost all of her communication skills, eaten plenty of burritos, and started drinking the 2 liters of rootbeer after I finished the Mt. Dew. (I stopped once I realized how terrible that was, and took to my gallon just of water.) Olivia and I want to write our editorial, but I can't go anywhere until I get word from mom, who's working until either 12:30 or very late, depending on if people made it in or not. I tried to do more constructive things, like sketch something new in my book or play guitar...you know, all the things I'm usually dying to do but never have the time for. But now that I have the time, I can't bring myself to accomplish anything. I've now taken to pacing around the house, only pausing to briefly jot down a couple notes from my APUSH book.
*bangs head against keyboard* t67yt67uy67uthy7u6hthghhyhhbh5rt4frtgfrvbjuhjnuhhynujhnjyuhyujnhujynhyjnu
I'm going to make another burrito and go sulk.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
I'm too sleepy to do anything important right now...
Which, I suppose is slightly insulting to you, dear reader, that I do not deem my blogging as "important". What I mean is, I'm avoiding the omnipresence of my APUSH homework right not. Really, the only thing that is important this week is the musical. I wake up with one of the songs stuck in my head and go to bed running lines through my mind. It's sad. However, it will be over after this week, and then soccer! (woot woot)
Today we performed for the grade schoolers, and, even though Mr. G stated we took another famed "step" of his, I really didn't think it went all that well. Some mistakes were easily covered, some even quite humorous, but otherwise...ugh. Sarkis and I went over that stupid corny dance a million times this morning, and I was so confident that is was going to go well and things would be perfect but I still managed to wreck it because our cue was off by two measures and me, "Oh Panicky One", stared blankly back at Sarkis, silently hurling imaginary breakables in my mind. And, of course, after I was done finishing off what was left of the song, I went backstage to have a very typical Ashley/Frankie/Fosse "I suck" meltdown.
Of course I don't actually believe I suck, but it's amazingly easy to repeat over and over and over when you've just got done screwing something up. I feel bad for the friends that have to put with me after "Spread a Little Sunshine" is done. I can just imagine them seeing me rush into the choir room, face red, head down, body rigid, and hand twitching away, as usual. And really, I'm quite stubborn when they try to console me. I want to take their compliments, but it's difficult to go from an "I deserve to rot." stage to a "You're right, I'm amazing." Sometimes I wish we'd all shut up, myself included, and just hug more.
I will be very very very depressedish once the last performance is over with, because this weekend is the last time I will ever perform with a lot of my friends. It's hard not to dwell on the fact that 2/3 of them are graduating this year. Some of the most amazing people I have ever met are leaving and oh crap here come the waterworks again. Some days it's like they're already gone, and once the musical is done, I'll hardly get to see them the rest of the year. I mean, it's a relatively small school, but all of us are so busy, it's dang near impossible to get together. A couple of them will be in soccer with me, but, as amusing as it would be, I hardly think our coach will let any of the guys play, no matter how cleverly we disguised them.
If you see me at the cast and crew afterparty looking around the room with tears in my eyes, don't worry, it's not me about to go into a fit, that's just the nostalgia talking.
Today we performed for the grade schoolers, and, even though Mr. G stated we took another famed "step" of his, I really didn't think it went all that well. Some mistakes were easily covered, some even quite humorous, but otherwise...ugh. Sarkis and I went over that stupid corny dance a million times this morning, and I was so confident that is was going to go well and things would be perfect but I still managed to wreck it because our cue was off by two measures and me, "Oh Panicky One", stared blankly back at Sarkis, silently hurling imaginary breakables in my mind. And, of course, after I was done finishing off what was left of the song, I went backstage to have a very typical Ashley/Frankie/Fosse "I suck" meltdown.
Of course I don't actually believe I suck, but it's amazingly easy to repeat over and over and over when you've just got done screwing something up. I feel bad for the friends that have to put with me after "Spread a Little Sunshine" is done. I can just imagine them seeing me rush into the choir room, face red, head down, body rigid, and hand twitching away, as usual. And really, I'm quite stubborn when they try to console me. I want to take their compliments, but it's difficult to go from an "I deserve to rot." stage to a "You're right, I'm amazing." Sometimes I wish we'd all shut up, myself included, and just hug more.
I will be very very very depressedish once the last performance is over with, because this weekend is the last time I will ever perform with a lot of my friends. It's hard not to dwell on the fact that 2/3 of them are graduating this year. Some of the most amazing people I have ever met are leaving and oh crap here come the waterworks again. Some days it's like they're already gone, and once the musical is done, I'll hardly get to see them the rest of the year. I mean, it's a relatively small school, but all of us are so busy, it's dang near impossible to get together. A couple of them will be in soccer with me, but, as amusing as it would be, I hardly think our coach will let any of the guys play, no matter how cleverly we disguised them.
If you see me at the cast and crew afterparty looking around the room with tears in my eyes, don't worry, it's not me about to go into a fit, that's just the nostalgia talking.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
I've escaped!
Oh precious precious peace...I only have so much time...Elmo everywhere...the cake...the toys...the music...*bangs head against desk*
Okay, I'm good. Really, it's not such a bad party, I just got a tad claustrophobic. The kids are great, I love them, it's the parents. They get so used to talking to their children that they hold conversations the same way.
Example:
Okay, I'm good. Really, it's not such a bad party, I just got a tad claustrophobic. The kids are great, I love them, it's the parents. They get so used to talking to their children that they hold conversations the same way.
Example:
"Excuse me."
"Oh, do I need to let you through so you can go potty?"
"Er, I'm good...thanks. I was just going to...""Do you need help with the lock?"
"No, I've got it."
"No, let me help you, it's tricky. It's childproof, you know."
"Really, I had no idea...I've got it."
"Ooh, somebody might need a timeout over here..."
Okay, so I'm exaggerating ever so slightly. I just hope I don't lose myself in complete child-jargon when I have kids.
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