Which, I suppose is slightly insulting to you, dear reader, that I do not deem my blogging as "important". What I mean is, I'm avoiding the omnipresence of my APUSH homework right not. Really, the only thing that is important this week is the musical. I wake up with one of the songs stuck in my head and go to bed running lines through my mind. It's sad. However, it will be over after this week, and then soccer! (woot woot)
Today we performed for the grade schoolers, and, even though Mr. G stated we took another famed "step" of his, I really didn't think it went all that well. Some mistakes were easily covered, some even quite humorous, but otherwise...ugh. Sarkis and I went over that stupid corny dance a million times this morning, and I was so confident that is was going to go well and things would be perfect but I still managed to wreck it because our cue was off by two measures and me, "Oh Panicky One", stared blankly back at Sarkis, silently hurling imaginary breakables in my mind. And, of course, after I was done finishing off what was left of the song, I went backstage to have a very typical Ashley/Frankie/Fosse "I suck" meltdown.
Of course I don't actually believe I suck, but it's amazingly easy to repeat over and over and over when you've just got done screwing something up. I feel bad for the friends that have to put with me after "Spread a Little Sunshine" is done. I can just imagine them seeing me rush into the choir room, face red, head down, body rigid, and hand twitching away, as usual. And really, I'm quite stubborn when they try to console me. I want to take their compliments, but it's difficult to go from an "I deserve to rot." stage to a "You're right, I'm amazing." Sometimes I wish we'd all shut up, myself included, and just hug more.
I will be very very very depressedish once the last performance is over with, because this weekend is the last time I will ever perform with a lot of my friends. It's hard not to dwell on the fact that 2/3 of them are graduating this year. Some of the most amazing people I have ever met are leaving and oh crap here come the waterworks again. Some days it's like they're already gone, and once the musical is done, I'll hardly get to see them the rest of the year. I mean, it's a relatively small school, but all of us are so busy, it's dang near impossible to get together. A couple of them will be in soccer with me, but, as amusing as it would be, I hardly think our coach will let any of the guys play, no matter how cleverly we disguised them.
If you see me at the cast and crew afterparty looking around the room with tears in my eyes, don't worry, it's not me about to go into a fit, that's just the nostalgia talking.
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2 comments:
aw... I'm still here. And so are the rest of us seniors. And yes, it is a little difficult to console you after a minor mistake that I didn't even know happened... you are great. So stop being so negative, kid! You rock.
It's funny, you always end your comfort comments with "you rock".
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