Called to see if your back was still aligned,
And your sheets were growing grass
All on the corners of your bed.
But you've got too much to wear on your sleeves.
It has too much to do with me,
And secretly and want to bury in the yard
The grey remains of a friendship scarred.
You told us of your new life there.
You got someone comin' around,
Gluing tinsel to your crown.
He's got you talking pretty loud.
You berate remember
Your ailing heart and your criminal eyes.
You say your still in love.
If it's true what can be done?
It's hard to leave all those moments behind.
You tested your metal
Of doe's skin and petals,
While kissing the lipless
Who bleed all the sweetness
Away...
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Friday, May 19, 2006
I just don't know anymore...
The world is going insane. A sophmore at our school, Adam, goes missing, presumed dead because his car was found in the river, and they call off the search. There goes any needed closure for his family. Some attention-starved kid then proceeds to write a threatening message in the girl's bathroom- "Four will die on May 19th" and the whole school is again in a frenzy. Half the school didn't show up for class today. We had to be wanded and have our bags searched before entering the building; we even required escorts to go to the bathrooms during class. No escort available? Hold it. Nothing happened, of course. We've had little incidents like this already, non of them were taken as seriously as this one though. All the others had rumors of the culprit, though, and this one had absolutely no leads. So it was understandable that the schoolboard handled it so seriously. They apparently found out who was behind it; that's what they told us, at least.
Honestly, as if Adam's death isn't enough, an idiot girl has to put the whole county on the brink. News crews patrolled the block the whole day; they were still there around 5:45 PM afterward. Dad and I tried to make a laugh at it, him telling me he'd have to help patrol as well and be my personal escort. I don't think mom and Ryan were too keen on our humor, though.
Kim and Shelby came over and we watched Fantasia. The old one, not the new one. It was just a relief to get away from school and all things related to school. It was nice to be able to come home and just...be. Fantasia was my favorite film when I was a kid. I used to watch that movie every day. Mom said it was lucky it was such a long movie, because then she didn't have to watch it five times a day. I probably would have, if I'd had the time to. I loved the part when all that was on screen was a single straight line, and the narrator had different instruments play, and the line would move according to the sound. The bassoon was the best, because it was so low and all the string would do was have all these waves squish to the bottom, like a melting candle. I don't know why, but it would just kill me when I was little. I found it was still pretty amusing.
Shelby had to leave after that, so Kim and I finished a foreign film that was on the Sundance Channel called Zus & Zu. It was about this gay guy who was marrying his best friend so he could inherit his father's money. It was really quite sad, but it was the first movie I've seen that presented homosexuality as an effect of nuture instead of nature. It surprised me, and in the end wasn't a bad film. Kim left after we talked a bit.
After that, I cried. Sometimes I wonder if I cry too much. I probably do. I don't even really know why I was crying. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I couldn't feel anything, emotionally. In the end I always conclude that that would be terrible, of course. It would make for a rather dulling world. God gave us emotion for a reason. It wasn't a bad cry. It was a needed cry, I think. They say the most influencial thing to your own emotion is the facial expression on others' faces. Maybe I was just exhausted from trying to put a smile on everyone else's face. I am exhausted.
Honestly, as if Adam's death isn't enough, an idiot girl has to put the whole county on the brink. News crews patrolled the block the whole day; they were still there around 5:45 PM afterward. Dad and I tried to make a laugh at it, him telling me he'd have to help patrol as well and be my personal escort. I don't think mom and Ryan were too keen on our humor, though.
Kim and Shelby came over and we watched Fantasia. The old one, not the new one. It was just a relief to get away from school and all things related to school. It was nice to be able to come home and just...be. Fantasia was my favorite film when I was a kid. I used to watch that movie every day. Mom said it was lucky it was such a long movie, because then she didn't have to watch it five times a day. I probably would have, if I'd had the time to. I loved the part when all that was on screen was a single straight line, and the narrator had different instruments play, and the line would move according to the sound. The bassoon was the best, because it was so low and all the string would do was have all these waves squish to the bottom, like a melting candle. I don't know why, but it would just kill me when I was little. I found it was still pretty amusing.
Shelby had to leave after that, so Kim and I finished a foreign film that was on the Sundance Channel called Zus & Zu. It was about this gay guy who was marrying his best friend so he could inherit his father's money. It was really quite sad, but it was the first movie I've seen that presented homosexuality as an effect of nuture instead of nature. It surprised me, and in the end wasn't a bad film. Kim left after we talked a bit.
After that, I cried. Sometimes I wonder if I cry too much. I probably do. I don't even really know why I was crying. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I couldn't feel anything, emotionally. In the end I always conclude that that would be terrible, of course. It would make for a rather dulling world. God gave us emotion for a reason. It wasn't a bad cry. It was a needed cry, I think. They say the most influencial thing to your own emotion is the facial expression on others' faces. Maybe I was just exhausted from trying to put a smile on everyone else's face. I am exhausted.
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Humans Are Exhausting
I have this little room I imagine when I'm in a really frustrating situation that I can't react noisily to. It is white, and soundproof, and full of very beautiful and fragile things. (e.i. vases, statues, mirrors (lots of mirrors)) It also contains a bat. As unfortunate as it is that I do not own such a room, it's amazing how much it helps, as long as I keep my imagined battle cries inside. Later, I find a pillow and scream into it. By now I'm mentally and physically drained, so I proceed to mope a bit until I fall asleep.
I do not suggest this cycle to anyone, unless you already do this, in which case I shake you warmly by the hand and say "It's nice to meet a fellow psychotic." Then we could actually build our little room of rage. We'd have to get funding first, though. I mean, think of all the statues and mirrors and vases we'd go through...that's a lot of ceramic and porcelain. Plus we'd have to get a janitor, because I'm sorry but I'll be way too wiped out from smashing my reflection to sweep up the shattered bits of Greek guy you attacked. I do suggest, however, that we use wooden bats; the aluminum ones make a really annoying clang, and this would only peak my frustration, thus making us go through many more lovely breakables, and a cycle of slippery slope would ensue, creating a lovely debt and no more funding.
With this proposal I leave thee, for I must go brush my teeth.
I do not suggest this cycle to anyone, unless you already do this, in which case I shake you warmly by the hand and say "It's nice to meet a fellow psychotic." Then we could actually build our little room of rage. We'd have to get funding first, though. I mean, think of all the statues and mirrors and vases we'd go through...that's a lot of ceramic and porcelain. Plus we'd have to get a janitor, because I'm sorry but I'll be way too wiped out from smashing my reflection to sweep up the shattered bits of Greek guy you attacked. I do suggest, however, that we use wooden bats; the aluminum ones make a really annoying clang, and this would only peak my frustration, thus making us go through many more lovely breakables, and a cycle of slippery slope would ensue, creating a lovely debt and no more funding.
With this proposal I leave thee, for I must go brush my teeth.
| You Are Lightning |
 Beautiful yet dangerous People will stop and watch you when you appear Even though you're capable of random violence You are best known for: your power Your dominant state: performing |
Friday, May 12, 2006
Aww...but it's so cute...
I'm a vegetarian and I can't hate this chicken wing...The leg looks all gross and lumpy...eew...
So our soccer team lost our last conference game before the conference tournament. We should have won, considering it was a team we've beaten before, but their sweeper was back from wherever it was she was gone from last time, and she basically single-handedly kicked out butts, sometimes in the literal sense, except with her foot...because you can't kick someone...with your hand...
To put it simply, we're not going to the conference tournament. Plus, we're losing our best goalie because she's suddenly moving to Kentucky next Thursday. Which makes me back-up goalie for the rest of the season, and main goalie for next year. I'm screwed.
Well, I shouldn't say that. I mean, I do quite well in practices as far as keeping goes, and when I had to take Kaitlyn's spot during warm-ups, I punted pretty nicely as well, especially, according to Pam and Cassie, since there was a strong crosswind.
But, enough about my awesome soccerness, I have to get to packing. I'm going to visit some family over the weekend. Plus, I have to find a decent substitute for icecream. Ricecakes just aren't a very good replacement.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Woot!
Woo-hoo! I had a good day! It's insane how good of a mood I'm in. So insane, I even attempted to smile to the devil-witch I have as a spanish teacher. Insanely good for someone PMS'ing. Wow, suppose you don't get that statement on a blog every day. Screw it, it's staying there. Anyway...
We had a soccer game in which I had thought we were going to win, but we lost 1-0, because the last time we played them, they didn't have their sweeper. Unforunately, she was back and she was good and she had orange cleats. I was jealous of them. Anyway, our goalie let an easy one in, our offense wasn't developed enough to make our own in today, but I played amazingly and that's what counts. No, really, it's a team effort/sport, and we did the best we could today. But I still played the whole entire game without a single sub. And this is the first game I've wounded myself and started bleeding. It's just my knee, and it's pretty small. But it still bled and I'm proud of that scratch.
Another amazing statistic is the miniscule amount of homework I had today. So I actually got ahead in some classes I had been neglecting because of APUSH. That's right. Ahead. I got spanish done and contemporary lit done and now it's on to video production! Onward, my fellow bretheren!
I didn't even have any sugar today.
Okay, one cookie.
We had a soccer game in which I had thought we were going to win, but we lost 1-0, because the last time we played them, they didn't have their sweeper. Unforunately, she was back and she was good and she had orange cleats. I was jealous of them. Anyway, our goalie let an easy one in, our offense wasn't developed enough to make our own in today, but I played amazingly and that's what counts. No, really, it's a team effort/sport, and we did the best we could today. But I still played the whole entire game without a single sub. And this is the first game I've wounded myself and started bleeding. It's just my knee, and it's pretty small. But it still bled and I'm proud of that scratch.
Another amazing statistic is the miniscule amount of homework I had today. So I actually got ahead in some classes I had been neglecting because of APUSH. That's right. Ahead. I got spanish done and contemporary lit done and now it's on to video production! Onward, my fellow bretheren!
I didn't even have any sugar today.
Okay, one cookie.
| You Are Japanese Food |
 Strange yet delicious. Contrary to popular belief, you're not always eaten raw. |
Sunday, May 07, 2006
I Want Me Back
The youth group I'm in performed a skit today at church. It was called The Searcher. I was the said searcher, Jen, Gordie, and the other kids were machines, and Ben was Jesus (which I found to be a highly amusing concept). I was supposed to be putting money into these machines, trying to get them to teach me the answer to life. They spewed out the typical money, education, booze, meditation, fitness, religion stuff that didn't work out, and then Ben-Jesus comes and teaches me to follow him because all else isn't fufilling. It went well, except for Ben getting stuck in a closet about ten minutes before we went on. He went in and closed the door, so me and two other girls went to force the door open. Unfortunately, when I turned the handle, he must have been holding the other end pretty good because I tried wrenching it open and it twisted so much that it rendered the door handle useless. Ben was stuck for awhile; luckily there was a tool kit in the closet he chose, so they were able to get the hinges off and Gordie pushed the door off just in time. It was a really funny situation, but I still feel bad about breaking the handle.
I haven't been feeling very good lately. I'm really tired, no matter how much I sleep. It might just be all the stress from the past couple weeks finally catching up with me. I hope that's all it is. I've become a real kill-joy lately because of it. I've always used fatigue as an excuse for being in a bad mood, but it's really been the problem lately. It sucks. I want me back.
I haven't been feeling very good lately. I'm really tired, no matter how much I sleep. It might just be all the stress from the past couple weeks finally catching up with me. I hope that's all it is. I've become a real kill-joy lately because of it. I've always used fatigue as an excuse for being in a bad mood, but it's really been the problem lately. It sucks. I want me back.
| In a Past Life... |
 You Were: A Famous Viking. Where You Lived: Siberia. How You Died: Consumption. |
Friday, May 05, 2006
What I accomplished with my free-time so far:
 I took the "The Animal Spirit" quiz on gURL.com | |||
 |  | My animal spirit is... The Coyote According to shamanistic wisdom, coyotes are the animal world's trickster. Coyote people have a way with words, and a unique way of seeing the world. Never ones to take things at face value, coyote people question authority with sly jokes. Read more... What is your animal spirit? | |
Nobody knows da trouble I've seen...ya hey...
Wisconsinite version of the song. I had to. I'm not in a very good mood. I want to be, but I've found it's quite difficult to force the opposite emotion today. We had the APUSH exam today, and, instead of being happy that it's over and done with, I'm depressed that I know for a fact that there is no possible way I got a 3. I did line runs without stopping at practice today, but instead of being happy about my lack of wheezing, I'm frustrated I didn't make a single penalty shot until I was one of the last three in line. I'm not dying or lacking in food, water, or shelter. I don't have cancer, AIDS, dysentery, or even a cold, for Pete's sake. I'm not very appreciative, am I?
| You are |
 |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
