I just don't know anymore...

The world is going insane. A sophmore at our school, Adam, goes missing, presumed dead because his car was found in the river, and they call off the search. There goes any needed closure for his family. Some attention-starved kid then proceeds to write a threatening message in the girl's bathroom- "Four will die on May 19th" and the whole school is again in a frenzy. Half the school didn't show up for class today. We had to be wanded and have our bags searched before entering the building; we even required escorts to go to the bathrooms during class. No escort available? Hold it. Nothing happened, of course. We've had little incidents like this already, non of them were taken as seriously as this one though. All the others had rumors of the culprit, though, and this one had absolutely no leads. So it was understandable that the schoolboard handled it so seriously. They apparently found out who was behind it; that's what they told us, at least.

Honestly, as if Adam's death isn't enough, an idiot girl has to put the whole county on the brink. News crews patrolled the block the whole day; they were still there around 5:45 PM afterward. Dad and I tried to make a laugh at it, him telling me he'd have to help patrol as well and be my personal escort. I don't think mom and Ryan were too keen on our humor, though.

Kim and Shelby came over and we watched Fantasia. The old one, not the new one. It was just a relief to get away from school and all things related to school. It was nice to be able to come home and just...be. Fantasia was my favorite film when I was a kid. I used to watch that movie every day. Mom said it was lucky it was such a long movie, because then she didn't have to watch it five times a day. I probably would have, if I'd had the time to. I loved the part when all that was on screen was a single straight line, and the narrator had different instruments play, and the line would move according to the sound. The bassoon was the best, because it was so low and all the string would do was have all these waves squish to the bottom, like a melting candle. I don't know why, but it would just kill me when I was little. I found it was still pretty amusing.

Shelby had to leave after that, so Kim and I finished a foreign film that was on the Sundance Channel called Zus & Zu. It was about this gay guy who was marrying his best friend so he could inherit his father's money. It was really quite sad, but it was the first movie I've seen that presented homosexuality as an effect of nuture instead of nature. It surprised me, and in the end wasn't a bad film. Kim left after we talked a bit.

After that, I cried. Sometimes I wonder if I cry too much. I probably do. I don't even really know why I was crying. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I couldn't feel anything, emotionally. In the end I always conclude that that would be terrible, of course. It would make for a rather dulling world. God gave us emotion for a reason. It wasn't a bad cry. It was a needed cry, I think. They say the most influencial thing to your own emotion is the facial expression on others' faces. Maybe I was just exhausted from trying to put a smile on everyone else's face. I am exhausted.